Suffocation

She sits quietly on the train, waiting for its departure
Unbeknownst of the calamity in her surroundings
A newlywed couple quarreling as if on the verge of divorce,
A caught stowaway about to get booted,
Crying baby twins with no toys to mitigate their desires,
And none of it mattered.
She sat there pondering the comings and goings of the past 3 years
She took a deep breath
A remnant memory of the first time they met, lingered in her mind
A weekend of revel with no remorse, no regrets,
She let the breath out
And recalled the first time he ignored her text which lead to months of questionable silence

“Maam’ your ticket please,”
She quickly snapped out of it, “Oh, here you go.”

Recoiling back into a solemn daze, She inhaled,
The intellectual conversations they had that convinced her that he could be the one
White Supremacy, HBCU’s, Family and Religion
You know, she always wanted a guy that could talk about things with “smart topics”
Being smart was a part of the list, didn’t find too many guys that fit that standard
She Exhaled
The moments he didn’t call to talk, to check in or even just to say hey,
Those times went overlooked for fear of starting an argument
She hated that, so often, her problems were left unsolved.

From tree to tree her eyes pounced as she gazed out the window
Not realizing the snoring neighbor that kept falling on her and apologizing every 5 minutes

She Inhaled,
The way they both yearned for success and achieving their dreams
How he spoke with such conviction of his elite status by the age of 30
How with him she would never want for anything and they would bask in the good life
She Exhaled,
How He never quite let her in, the key to consummating their trust
There was always a wall up with a plethora of his troubles behind it,
those troubles she never could see, or even attempt to ease.

The sun was now hovering above the trees
The warmth kissed her golden face

She Inhaled
The nights they spent lying face to face silently embracing each other
Her virginity kept him appreciative and his understanding made her smitten
She exhaled
The days she constantly wondered about his fidelity
Excuses for slip ups never settled her bewilderment

The train started gaining speed; the gears turned the wheels faster and faster
Choo! Choo! Screamed the locomotive as they approached their stop

She Inhaled
All the unique dates they went on
She Exhaled
All the times he stood her up
She inhaled
When she was introduced to his sister
She Exhaled
When he never mentioned her to his parents
She Inhaled
The long kisses
She exhaled
The accidental collisions between his hand and her face

The faster the train went, the louder she got. The neighbor beside her woke up.
“Hey, are you okay? Hold your head up.”

She took a deep breath in,
All the good times they shared laughing and connecting mentally as well as physically
She let out
The fact that all they had came to an abrupt end because of his incomprehension that he, had a prize

The train stopped Slowly she held her head up and came to the realization that she would have to get over him and move on. As she started gathering her things she peered out the window again to find him standing outside the station with his parole officer, his parents, and a sign saying I WILL CHANGE. Tears welled up in her eyes as he sprinted off hastily to meet her. As he fought the train riders to get to her, she answered the neighbor, “yeah, I’m okay.”Closer and closer he got. Her heart was pounding, the water works were on, and finally he looked into her eyes and she . . . . . .
Caught
Her
Breath

*Inspired by NDE