Her Script

There once was this girl who knew exactly who she wanted . . . .

He was in school but she didn’t know where
He was building a career but she dint know how
He came from a loving family but she didn’t know which
He created a name for himself but she didn’t know what
He would find her one day but she didn’t know when
He had the perfect personality but she didn’t know his traits
He had a relationship with God but she didn’t know how great
He’d be able to make her laugh when she was sad
He’d know just how to calm her down whenever she was mad
He’d bless her with children that they would cherish
He’d love her unconditionally until they perished

There once was a girl who knew exactly who she wanted, only problem is, she never found him.

Clear Your Mind

Clear your mind of random songs like Bend Ova by Weezy, President Obama’s speech on healthcare, or ya mama fussing about slowing down when the streets are wet.
Clear your mind of the confrontation with boo, or the confession from your best friend’s boo.
Yea slip into that slumber and clear your mind of insecurities of your home state education, the race against races, or the slandering of your good name.
Close your eyes and go to sleep on your worries of tomorrow,frustrations from yesterday, and the pains of today.
Release any and every mental congestion, slip into that slumber and go to sleep.

Nov 4

6:00am. Wake up to leave my college campus and go back home to the other side of town. My mom was SO GEEKED, she wanted voting for Obama to be a family affair. So we all went; before school, before work. My mom, dad, sister and I. It was a cold beautiful morning. When we got to our precinct, the line was wrapped around the parking lot. I had just turned 18 in Feb so I hadn't voted many times before but out of all the times I had been with my parents to vote there had NEVER been a line as long as this one. I guess everyone else was as excited as my mom was. As we got in line we saw all kinds of friends from church, our neighborhood, and the community. While waiting my dad took our picture. Before we went, my mom said she was going to hang the picture that we would take up on the wall but that hasn't happened yet. My sister and I also took pictures on our digital cameras. I was in a sort of nonchalant mood and I felt like I should have been more ardent but it just wasn't there for me (little did I know the thrill would come later after he was actually announced President). I thought "maybe after I vote I will get chills and feel real accomplished" but no, it didn't really happen like that.

Later that night. Sitting in my dorm room with the t.v. on, but on mute. I didn't go to any watch parties because I had a test the next day that I HAD to pass. I didn't want to miss anything though, so while I was studying, I would glance up at the t.v. every 3 minutes. I must have been slipping on keeping up because I heard screams in the hallway and then looked to the t.v. to find "OBAMA PROJECTED WINNER" flashing across the screen. At that moment studying went out the window. I started rejoicing, my roommate started crying and my hall mate was jumping up and down with her hands raised as if she was catching the holy ghost in a baptist church during a revival sermon! We went in the halls and it was even worse. Everyone was rejoicing! Running, jumping, hugging, screaming, you name it, we were doing it all. Then we all got in the elevators to take it downstairs to the lobby where even more people were. The celebration continued. When I returned to my room, I watched Barack Obama deliver his acceptance speech with my roommate sobbing in my ear. I went to the bathroom for a minute and as I was washing my hands I looked out the window and saw firecrackers going off on our band practice field. It wasn't long after that that I found out about the Obama "party" going on outside. It wasn't official at all. It was just something that happened. I had a decision to make. As a freshman band member it was strongly suggested that we either studied or practiced and that's it but that night, I was getting ready to party! I went outside to find a parking lot full of my fellow classmates in good fellowship. We all gathered with a common purpose which was to celebrate the election of our first African American President. It was beautiful. Firecrackers were cracking, music was playing, people were celebrating and everybody was just having a good time. It eventually turned into a parade. since we were in a parking lot, people started piling up in cars and driving through the crowd. I'm glad I put the books down THAT night because it will be a night that I will continue to remember forever. I soon realized that occurrences like that made me proud to be at an HBCU because I know other people weren't so lucky to have the same experience.

November 4, 2008 will always be an imperative part of my memory.

Painful Silence

Painful Silence

I open up my heart and let you in
I say come here and you reply with silence
I write you sweet love poems to further express how I feel and you reply with silence
I dance from the crown of my head to the tip of my toes
Showing you my loving caring soul
And you reply with silence
I say yes . . . . .
Nothing
I say no . . . . .
Nothing
Only when I’ve reached my wits end
Do you finally speak and reel me back in
Not one word is heard until I say something that angers you and even then its non-verbal
I can tell by your body language
Well I’m tired of trying to figure you out
I’m tired of playing the guessing game
So next time you want to suddenly express how you feel
Sing me a new song about what you think is real
I’ll reply with silence
You say no . . . .
Nothing
You say yes . . .
Nothing

Until you decide you want to get real and talk . . . . We will Share a loving bond in Silence

Your Silence tells me that you don’t care
Your silence tells me that the things I do to please you
Barely even come close to appealing you
And while I’m up
In the middle of the night
Writing lines by phone light
It doesn’t matter
Because
Just like before
You’re laying there
And I’m lying here
And
WE
ARE
SILENT

*Inspired by NDE

My Love is Red

My Love is RED

My love is red
Your love is blue
Your love is real cold with no emotions emerging from you
Your love is black, so empty and void
But somehow the mysterious darkness keeps calling me back
Your love is green
Envy and jealousy cloud your mentality when I command the attention of everyone you see
Your love is brown
Dirty and grimy like a spineless reptile that resides in the ground
Your love is white
Blank with nothingness like what you mean to me.

My love is Red
RED . . . . .
Red with warmth and comfort like the evening sun
Red like a sweet strawberry blow-pop. Hard and soft at the same time
Red like that lil red dress and 5 inch heels Sister Johnson shouldn’t have worn to church last Sunday.
Red like the rose that says I’m Sorry when I know I messed up
Red like the blood in my veins,
Ever-flowing and always going

But now, because of your jacked up Love Rainbow,
My love is red with anger from all the lies you ever told
My love is red with courage to leave you like I always said I would
My love is red with power that I’m taking beck because you never deserved to have it.

MY Love is RED!

*Inspired by NDE

Love's Mystery

Love’s Mystery

I’m infatuated with the thought of love
every aspect of it,
the joy the pain the hurt
it’s the only thing that inspires me to write
politics is sort of boring and never gave me that inclination to put a pen to the paper,
However, Love I don’t quite understand
and honestly don’t even know the true definition
so why is it that I’m so driven by this Great Unknown
maybe its just the fantasy of Love’s Mystery

*Inspired by NDE

Factual "Things"

Factual Things

I’m infatuated with you but I don’t love you
Nor am I in love with you because . . . .
I’m infatuated
Hmm . . . . infatuation can make you feel something
That you think is the real thing
So you start doing that thing
Yea, that thi-i-i-ing
But then he leaves you for his new thing
And all the while you thought you had something
When it turns out that it was nothing . . . . . . but infatuation

That’s why when you asked, he said, “I’m infatuated with you, but I don’t love you nor am I in love with you because I can do without you.”

Dismally Connected

Dismally Connected

You hurt and I feel a sharp distant pain
You cry and my sunshine turns to rain

I feel for you even though I haven’t been through

Your morose demeanor brings my high down
I can’t share my smiles knowing that you wear a frown

I feel for you even though I haven’t been through

Being this close makes me drift in your anguish
To make this all go away, that is what I’d wish

But it’s not going to stop
Only time will tell
That I’ll be by your side
Until your spirits are well
So you can cry on my shoulder
Just let it all out
I’m here to listen
And help you figure this out
But while you are healing I just want you to know
That a friend you have in me
And through this our bond will grow

I feel for you even though I haven’t been through
But as long as I’m with you, I feel the hurt too.

*Inspired by NDE

Declaration

Declaration

Words, going in and out of my head
Love, Infatuation, Lust, Like
Words, scrambling around
In and out, up and down, left right, east and west
Even when I think I’m at my best,
I still cant figure you out
So what’s it going to be?
Will we come to a brutal end like once before?
Because I can’t have you on my back burner anymore
Be honest with me and I’ll be honest with you
You’re seeing someone else and I am too

Words can burn
Or put a title on things
You’re my boo, lover, or just a friend
But when I tell you about other people
You draw the line real thin

Words, in and out my head up and down
East and west, all around
So, with this declaration, which trumpet will you choose to sound?

*Inspired by NDE

Communication

Communication

So many calls left unanswered
So many texts never received
So many letters never written
So many messages never seen

What is this problem I continue to have?
It’s the lines of communication that you fail to breach

*Inspired by NDE

A Lover's Wish

A Lover’s Wish
I wish I could tell you exactly how I feel about you. I wish I could tell you that even though you were the first to break my heart, you still have it
I wish I could tell you that you’re the sexiest when you sing to me even though you’re not the best at it
I wish I could tell you that I think it’s adorable that you stutter when you’re anxious about something
I wish I could tell you that even though you think I’ve never seen it, I’ve watched you facebook video numerous times because when I hear your voice it makes me feel closer to you
I wish I could tell you that your goals and ambitions to be successful are such a turn-on
Oh how I wish

I wish I could tell you that when you tell me you miss me I don’t believe you because you probably just went the whole week without sending a text or calling
I wish I could tell you that when you say you want to see me I don’t believe you because you somehow never seem to make arrangements
I wish I could tell you that I refuse to believe that you went this whole year without entertaining someone else and if you tell me to believe that I wish I could tell you that you’re a fool!

If I made a wish that would allow me to tell you exactly how I feel, it would be a waste because, doggon’it I just did!

*Inspired by NDE

Suffocation

She sits quietly on the train, waiting for its departure
Unbeknownst of the calamity in her surroundings
A newlywed couple quarreling as if on the verge of divorce,
A caught stowaway about to get booted,
Crying baby twins with no toys to mitigate their desires,
And none of it mattered.
She sat there pondering the comings and goings of the past 3 years
She took a deep breath
A remnant memory of the first time they met, lingered in her mind
A weekend of revel with no remorse, no regrets,
She let the breath out
And recalled the first time he ignored her text which lead to months of questionable silence

“Maam’ your ticket please,”
She quickly snapped out of it, “Oh, here you go.”

Recoiling back into a solemn daze, She inhaled,
The intellectual conversations they had that convinced her that he could be the one
White Supremacy, HBCU’s, Family and Religion
You know, she always wanted a guy that could talk about things with “smart topics”
Being smart was a part of the list, didn’t find too many guys that fit that standard
She Exhaled
The moments he didn’t call to talk, to check in or even just to say hey,
Those times went overlooked for fear of starting an argument
She hated that, so often, her problems were left unsolved.

From tree to tree her eyes pounced as she gazed out the window
Not realizing the snoring neighbor that kept falling on her and apologizing every 5 minutes

She Inhaled,
The way they both yearned for success and achieving their dreams
How he spoke with such conviction of his elite status by the age of 30
How with him she would never want for anything and they would bask in the good life
She Exhaled,
How He never quite let her in, the key to consummating their trust
There was always a wall up with a plethora of his troubles behind it,
those troubles she never could see, or even attempt to ease.

The sun was now hovering above the trees
The warmth kissed her golden face

She Inhaled
The nights they spent lying face to face silently embracing each other
Her virginity kept him appreciative and his understanding made her smitten
She exhaled
The days she constantly wondered about his fidelity
Excuses for slip ups never settled her bewilderment

The train started gaining speed; the gears turned the wheels faster and faster
Choo! Choo! Screamed the locomotive as they approached their stop

She Inhaled
All the unique dates they went on
She Exhaled
All the times he stood her up
She inhaled
When she was introduced to his sister
She Exhaled
When he never mentioned her to his parents
She Inhaled
The long kisses
She exhaled
The accidental collisions between his hand and her face

The faster the train went, the louder she got. The neighbor beside her woke up.
“Hey, are you okay? Hold your head up.”

She took a deep breath in,
All the good times they shared laughing and connecting mentally as well as physically
She let out
The fact that all they had came to an abrupt end because of his incomprehension that he, had a prize

The train stopped Slowly she held her head up and came to the realization that she would have to get over him and move on. As she started gathering her things she peered out the window again to find him standing outside the station with his parole officer, his parents, and a sign saying I WILL CHANGE. Tears welled up in her eyes as he sprinted off hastily to meet her. As he fought the train riders to get to her, she answered the neighbor, “yeah, I’m okay.”Closer and closer he got. Her heart was pounding, the water works were on, and finally he looked into her eyes and she . . . . . .
Caught
Her
Breath

*Inspired by NDE

On The Edge

On the Edge

Standing at the tip
Thinking about taking a dip
But you just don’t know
You Just Don’t Know

You heard it was nice and warm
Surely it can’t do any harm
But you just don’t know
You Just Don’t Know

Being on the edge is a hard place
Should you jump in or stay where it’s safe?
They tell you that in order to come alive
You have to take that dive
But you just don’t know
You Just Don’t Know

Time and time again
You’ve seen others fall in while you’re on the edge
Just standing still
Why?
Because you don’t know
You REALLY Don’t know!



You don’t know what its like to get in and it feel so good that
You just lay back and float
You don’t know what’s it’s like to hop in and get so anxious that you
Start to stroke

But you heard that when you have to get out and the end has come
You feel real cold and sensors get numb
So you ask the question,
If you feel so bad,
What makes you jump back in?

Then someone replies,

If you’re on the edge with somebody you love,
You’ll just fall in

On the Edge of Love

*Inspired by NDE

My Prayer

Lord,

Give me peace. Grant me with serenity. Help me to not get worked up over things I cannot control. Let me find peace through calamity. Give me a calm spirit. Please, help me to be quick to listen and slow to speak. When others are against me Jesus, give me peace of mind. Let me accept situations when they don't go my way and I don't understand why. Let me be at peace with your will.

Lord, thank you for your love. Thank you for loving me so much that you gave your only son so that I could be saved. Thank you for being the greatest example of love for I know that you ARE love and without you, love does not exist. Thank you for the love that I receive from my family. Thank you for the love of my friends. Thank you for the love that I will one day share with my husband and child like my mother shares with my father, sister, and me. Lord, help me to love like you, unconditionally. When I don't receive the love of those I wish to love me, help me to love them even harder.

Jesus, bless me with happiness. Throughout my life, let me be content. I know that your blessings bring joy so when I stray away from you Lord don't let me be away for too long. Bless me with happiness in all aspects of my life: school, family, friends, relationships, church, jobs, everything. Help me not to worry about things but to be happy and keep my eyes towards the bright side of life.

Jesus give me Peace, Love, and Happiness, Amen.

The EXTRA-Ordinary Black Male

So I was at this leadership conference at my school and I was talking to the President of one of the Greek fraternities. He had attended the minimum amount of workshops required as his duty of President and he said,"I've done my job, I'm about to leave." It was like twelve and the conference ended at maybe three so I replied,"Next time you should think about exceeding your duties, go above and beyond, don't just be ordinary, be Extra-ordinary." Then, ideas just started flooding my head about the "Extra-Ordinary Black Male" so like people of our generation, I took out my cell phone and started jotting them in my notes app. I eventually turned it into a speech that I introduced to the young men in my high school band. I was well received. I talked about how in order to be extraordinary you have to exceed your regular duties, stay a step ahead by creating a name for yourself, and be ambitious. I plan to go back and do a follow up on goal setting. Hopefully I'll make a man out of one these boys.

Everyone always asks what do I know about being a man. Its funny because I know nothing! But I know what I'm looking for so that's what I try to pass on.
When I think of an EXTRA-Ordinary black male, I think of a man who has his head on straight. Some one who does not sleep on a college education and takes advantage of every opportunity afforded to him. A man who knows where he is going and works hard to get there. This man has to have goals,a career-plan. Right now, black women are coming close to out-doing black men in the corporate world. It is so admirable to see a young college student working at a job that can further his job opportunities rather than working at your local restaurants and retail stores. EXTRA-Ordinary is some one who is well respected by others and takes care of his business. Some one once said surround yourself with your better or your equal, not your lesser.(Side note* I absolutely hate seeing thugs in college. Grow up! Let's just be honest, you'll never build your career in that state of mind). What also makes a guy, the EXTRA-Ordinary Black Male is his ability to defy every negative statistic about black men. Images like black men who abandon unwed mothers,go to jail instead of college, spread disease and put black women at the top of the charts with HIV/AIDS,and do nothing for the evolution of the black family have to be changed. If the statistics aren't enough, the media sure puts a shining light on it! The black family is indeed in trouble. Women are heading black families because the males are absent. Black males being absent in the home is a cycle that has to end and it starts with the EXTRA-Ordinary black males out there who will not produce babies out of wed-lock and those who will take care of the families that they start when they get married. Check the stats, its all there.

I didn't mean for this to sound like the lecture I gave but I just wanted to give an idea of what I meant. Peace, Love, and :-)